Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The time Yoda was heaping mountains of mental battery upon me in Chapters.


So today at Chapters, I was sort of minding my own business, perusing the advanced literary genius books when I heard some audible warbling... Someone was reading out loud. Fine. Someone must have just been reading an interesting passage to their shopping partner, right? WRONG. SO WRONG. This grown person was reading a magazine OUT LOUD in the store; all by them self. Just sitting there on the leather ottoman reading away an article in a magazine for the world to hear without even flinching. WELL. This is unacceptable behavior. Completely unacceptable.

So I got a little closer to have a listen, perhaps this person had found some kind of important article about the world's impending doom that must be given attention. Nope. It was an article about 'TWILIGHT' *shudder*. EwWWwwwwww. I was overcome with self righteousness and had to stare at her back from my little nest of books in the genius section. I stared DAGGERS at her. DAGGERS, you guys.

The imaginary conversation I had with her is as follows and is hence forth to be acted out by lego men in the medium of photographic storyboarding. She being Lego Yoda (in her ugly orange sweater) and me, The Lego Princess Leia (in her limited vestments). Here is how it all happened in my sophisticated mental faculties:

YODA: ...blah blah... release for NEW MoOn will be less than a MONTH away... *more muttering about Rob Pattinson* something something, collector's edition...

ME AS LEGO PRINCESS LEIA: HEY YOU! You are supposed to twitter with your Macintosh Apple Iphone, Jackass! *snicker snicker* Not OUT LOUD to strangers. And guess what? There appears to be nothing wrong with you apart from the fact that you're reading People magazine OUT LOUD to nobody. *snicker* So what's up with you, FOUR EYES? Get it? It's funny because you have glasses. Well you would if it was the real you acting this out and not Lego Yoda, who does not wear glasses, nor can I make any as I am out of pipe cleaners AND twist ties. *cough*

YODA: Huh? I can't afford an apple iphone.


ME AS BEAUTIFUL, SLIM LEIA: "Waaah... I don't have an apple IPHONE"... OH kvetch kvetch kvetch. That just makes you inferior and laughable (however somewhat lovable). Don't you even watch the apple advertisements? We "Mac" geniuses are cool and all down to earth and calm and helpful about every single thing on earth and wear practical, yet stylish blue sweaters all the time and you "non apple supporting people" are frantic, out-of-touch-with-couture twits. Hello?? Are you listening to me? It's even been recorded by the media? Besides, if you look at what I'm possibly going to be purchasing, you'll be embarrassed at yourself to see that it's an interesting glance at the common misuses of English grammar *chuckle*. Hilarious stuff. And you? Cultureless CELEBRITY RAG? Your so simple. Must be nice.

STUPID LEGO YODA: HA HA HA. You just said, "your", instead of, "you're" which was completely grammatically inappropriate.... And you fancy yourself a Grammar Stickler...*chortle*

LEIA THE TANTALIZING: What? No.... I didn't. I couldn't have.

YODA THE YODELING YAKHERDER: Yes you did.

LEIA THE SMART AND BRAVE: What are you even talking about, outloud-reader-to-nobody person? Your not making cent's.


YODA THE HUGE BULLY: You're doing it again. Your grammar is atrocious.

LEIA (the melancholy): STOP IT! STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!


CHAPTERS FLOOR MANAGER: AW hell. YOU AGAIN?! I'm going to have to ask you to leave again, MICHELLE. Hand over the Starbucks cups.

LEIA: Um, I think you're confused. My name is Lego Princess Leia.

Floor Manager: Look, Freak- we've already contacted the police. I don't know how you slipped past security, anyway. Must be the clever disguise.

The REAL Princess Leia: You won't get away with this. You're wrong. You're ALL WRONG!!! YOU'LL SEE!!! AHAahahHHAhahahahahHHHAA!!

Then I swing away into the city on the spideywebs which I can shoot out of my wrists, pursuing the trail of Yoda (the lone outloud reader), who has slipped away unnoticed, of course.

Until next time, Lego Yoda... Until next time...



18 comments:

miss. chief said...

wow, this must have taken so much time to put together, haha. it was worth it.

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

That was awesome. I really like it when you break out the special effects stuff.

Baron S. Cameron said...

Best blog ever.

*mary* said...

Photographic storyboard medium= WIN!

Baron S. Cameron said...

I may have to start ripping off your blogs again. Either that or bring back Charlotte and Papou and declare war! ;)

Laoch of Chicago said...

Wow, impressive this is.

Keet said...

I wish I was you. But I really just want your princess leieah (sp?) costume. And your children. And maybe your Neily. Aw Hell, I'll take you too. Will you adopt me?! I'm home all alone. I'll buy you starbucks...

Chelle said...

miss cheif- Look. It frosted yesterday. You hear me? I had NOTHING BETTER TO DO. Nothing. I swear (alot).

SHST- Yeah, I like the special effects but they're very expensive.

Baron- I know, right? I need some kind of scheme to get more subscribers, this kind of thing should be shared with the entire world. I might even get a Nobel Peace Prize, too. After all- pretty much everyone deserves one and the judges don't seem to be toooo stringent...

*mary*- phew. I hate getting second.

Laoch- Yeah! It's totally not too weird. *cough*

Keith- You WILL? Maybe I should start a 'Paypal Michelle some Starbucks money' link. Yesss......

Chelle said...

Baron again- Charlotte & Papou, perhaps- but is the world ready? Will they ever be?

erin said...

'Your grammar is atrocious.'
I loved this!
I'm on the phone with the water company discussing this double charge thing they did to me...so I need all the entertaining I can get.

Pearl said...

Oh, thank God. And I thought I was weird for my fantasy conversations with Abe Lincoln.

Nope. You're weirder. :-)

Funny post!

Pearl

Chelle said...

Erin- I hate those water works people. Did you get the electric company, too?

Pearl- I am going to have to look into these conversations with Abe Lincoln. Is he a jerk? I bet he is.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Wait a minute...there's a blog about coffee AND Zombie movies, and I'm just NOW getting over here to check it out?

What. The. Hell.

AND, to top it off, the author of said blog acts out stories from her life with Lego Star Wars figures?

I'm sold.

Chelle said...

Ind..Inderf...Indeflangible Merb- Excellent! One more reader on my way to becoming marvelously popular with all the blognerds of the world!!

allison, a flea circus said...

i just have to concur on the Mac/iPhone cool factor. In our family, there's two kindsa peeps. apple. or not.

Veronica Marcetti Dimick said...

Thanks, lady. That made my day!

Shellywellydoodlealltheday said...

I used to think Lego Yoda was cool. I used to think he was all zen and stuff. But that stuff he did to you?? And twilight? Bleurchhhhhh! Now I hate you, Lego Yoda! I hate YOU! I hate everything!! Waaaaaah! (gets up, runs out, slams door)

Chelle said...

Allison- word.

Veronica- :)

Shelly- Yeah, the twilight bit is a bummer.

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