The following simulation is something that I like to call, "If Neil had cameras installed inside of his eyeballs/Angel of the Morning."
Psst... Neeeeeillly...
HooOoooOooNeyyyyyyy...
Psssst *tap tap*
Oh Neeeeily...
Wakey wakeeeeey....
Psssst, Honey! It's Moooooorniiiiing!
Good morning, Darling, did you sleep well?
Oh, you didn't? What racket? I slept like a new baby lamb.
Nope, didn't hear a thing. Nope, nothing at all. Totally dead to the world. See? My pillow is saturated in drool even! YAAAAWN... Such a sound sleep I had...
Who me? No I don't talk in my sleep.. perhaps I snore a titch...
I said what in my sleep?
OMG, I should write that crazy s%$# down.
Why yes, I am of partial British Ancestry. Yes, and French... You knew that about me already... Did you have a bad dream or something?
Why do you ask? Voulez vous desire la cafe or something? A spot of tea whatwhat? Is that why you're asking, Neil? Is it?
HmmMMMM? Is it?
Ehhh? You want some delicious tea, do you? Or some coffee?
Just a sec... Could you just.. just scratch that itchy spot..... I'll scratch yours.. Yeah, my arms are still numb from laying on them. Nope, I have totally useless arms just now. That's great. Just great.
Thanks hon. What's that? no I can't sleep in make up.
Yeah, it clogs your pores... TERRIBLE idea, unfortunately.
You what? You got me something? You are too good to me, Neily.
Vitamins, huh? Oh you got me some... "Morning... Glory...Ladee's beauty vitamins.... You think I need these...... no? Okay, *phew*."
Are they holistic, Darling? I bet they're just as helpful as punch.
So what have you got planned today, my dear?
Oh, you're in a hurry to get to work, eh? That's a pity. Give us a kiss then... Oh that big of a hurry huh? A big meeting, have you, Sweetest?
Well then, I'm off to have a coffee & a little splash of makeup. Yes, I promise to take the vitamins... Off you go!
Let me just...*if I can just swing these sleepy old legs around...* go have a look at the damage first...
Good morning, Darling, did you sleep well?
Oh, you didn't? What racket? I slept like a new baby lamb.
Nope, didn't hear a thing. Nope, nothing at all. Totally dead to the world. See? My pillow is saturated in drool even! YAAAAWN... Such a sound sleep I had...
Who me? No I don't talk in my sleep.. perhaps I snore a titch...
I said what in my sleep?
OMG, I should write that crazy s%$# down.
Why yes, I am of partial British Ancestry. Yes, and French... You knew that about me already... Did you have a bad dream or something?
Why do you ask? Voulez vous desire la cafe or something? A spot of tea whatwhat? Is that why you're asking, Neil? Is it?
HmmMMMM? Is it?
Ehhh? You want some delicious tea, do you? Or some coffee?
Just a sec... Could you just.. just scratch that itchy spot..... I'll scratch yours.. Yeah, my arms are still numb from laying on them. Nope, I have totally useless arms just now. That's great. Just great.
Thanks hon. What's that? no I can't sleep in make up.
Yeah, it clogs your pores... TERRIBLE idea, unfortunately.
You what? You got me something? You are too good to me, Neily.
Vitamins, huh? Oh you got me some... "Morning... Glory...Ladee's beauty vitamins.... You think I need these...... no? Okay, *phew*."
Are they holistic, Darling? I bet they're just as helpful as punch.
So what have you got planned today, my dear?
Oh, you're in a hurry to get to work, eh? That's a pity. Give us a kiss then... Oh that big of a hurry huh? A big meeting, have you, Sweetest?
Well then, I'm off to have a coffee & a little splash of makeup. Yes, I promise to take the vitamins... Off you go!
Let me just...*if I can just swing these sleepy old legs around...* go have a look at the damage first...
22 comments:
Holy.
Shit.
So fucking funny.
HAHAHA!!!
Wow. You're hot! Also, I love your beard. Meeeeeeeeow.
PS - my eyes are burned out from the first picture, but I imagined the rest and wow. Stunning.
Keeping- It's Organic Beard. Push & Measure.
That's amazing, you look the same as my own wife in the morning.
Excellent use of photo effects! So funny!
wv: unsat. To stand up.
i like the itchy nose one the best :)
I am feeling a tad like Charles Manson myself this morning. (or afternoon now.)
Good thing you and I are not roomates.
Maelstrom- She sounds charming!
Will- Well them I'm unsat at my computer, supposedly making dinner in the kitchen.
mylittlebecky- I'm partial to the first toothy one...
Vapid- Good thing or too bad? We'd take the world in a drunken, angry storm. Or probably what you said is better in the long run.
Damn. That's some funny shit. Seriously. Hilarious, my friend.
I never knew you looked like Lincoln AND an orangutan!
I'm half tempted to crack open a bottle of wine and play with photoshop now. That can't end well...
Heeheehee. Those warped pictures are awesome!
My sister used to wake me up by placing her nose about 5 milimeters away from my nose and then grinning like a coked up Cheshire cat. I think she traumatized me for life.
Best. Blog. Ever...and that's saying something because your blogs always make me laugh till I pee a little. Sorry for that TMI moment.
Hilarious! It was like watching a Farrelly brothers movie directed by Clint Eastwood (hence the orangutan).
I have an award for you on my blog. Go get it before it rots.
You see that Star Trek creature? When I was in Vegas I went to the nerdy Star Trek restaurant that has that creature in life size.
I got my picture taken with it.
True story.
Christina- I like to be upfront with everyone.
Elly- PLEASSSSE OH PLLEEEEASE DO IT.
Rainey- My brother used to wake us up by spraying right guard men's deoderant on us.
e l a n a- Please put paper towels down.
dbs- Clint Eastwood is a orangutan? I KNEW IT.
Jen-O- SQUEAL!
Zibbs- Shut. UP. We got our pictures taken together and we didn't even know.
This has nothing to do with your hilarious post but my oldest daughter thinks you look like me in your profile pic.
Or I look like you.
I guess it depends on who's older?
Erin- Aw! I must be super cute then. I was born in 79. So probably I'm older.
note to self: you really should visit here a lot more often :)
Tim, I thought I might get some flack for my slanderous stereotype. Rest assured, I don't put much stock in it. I would love to visit!!
Fantabulous. As in, you're a keeper. How's them vit-a-mins working out?
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