RHODA HAS AN OWNER!!

Firstly:

GET IT? Val-INTESTINES!?!? Funny eh? This valentine doubles as a valentine for Neil.

Secondly, it's time to roll out the pretend red... carpet? Because it's time to draw a name for Rhodaaa.

Rhoda.

I had an overwhelming response to this years' giveaway, that is to say 9 people entered. NINE. Someone fan me, I'm going to faint. No really, nine is splendid. It multiplies by three. And seven eight nine. Get it? EIGHT=ATE? Like you do to bread? No? Ok. (You 8 the bread).

Well I am happy with 9. I mean sure I wanted a celebrity like Prime Minister Stephen Harper to to enter by posting himself baking some hilaaaarious, ugly bread on his super exciting blog, but we just can't win them all.

Stephen Harper! Stop getting fresh with Rhoda's cleavage. She's dead, you know. *tsk*

I had imagined myself getting Rhoda all ready, putting her in an envelope for Mr Harper, licking the glue part, putting on stamps lovingly and popping it in the mailbox. I KNOW Stephen Harper would be pacing around Parliament with his blackberry, combing his hair, palms sweating while he waited. But he missed out, Readers. I guess he just doesn't have his thumb on the pulse of what is happening in Canada as much as he thinks, because he totally missed the sock zombie floozy gravy train.

If he had entered and won, I'm pretty sure he would have asked me to deliver it in person anyway, but you can't just go meeting people from the internet willy nilly. I don't know Stephen Harper from Adam. He could be some kind of freak sitting in his Mom's basement, only taking short breaks from World of Warcraft to troll on parenting forums. PSH. I'm glad he didn't win.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah.. sock zombie!

I was going to photograph the name being pulled, but I found a WEBSITE that will do it for me. Namely, Random.org. This way, I can just paste all 40ish of the entries from the pages document I was keeping and hit randomize. That sounds pretty easy! I don't have to cut any dangerous paper! Whomever is at the top of the list after hitting "generate" will be the winner of Rhoda. For transparency, I've taken a half assed screen shot of it.

I am not going to lie. I want Jen O to win because the postage to her place from my place would be pretty cheap.

H'ok. Drumroollllllllllllll:

Breathe, Self
Breathe, Everyone
Calm down.
Here we go...............
Just a second, I got too excited and spilled my coffee.
By "I spilled my coffee" I of course mean that I missed my mouth when I tried to take a sip...
*I do realize that you can just skip ahead of my irritating pretend suspense*
*mopping up coffee*
*changing shirt*
*Refilling cup*
*some cream, some sugar*
*stir stir stir stir stir*
What was I doing?
Oh yeah, telling you about the new coffee I bought. Van Houten or something, dark roast. It's pretty awesome. I'm switching brands from Nabob Full City Dark.
I KNOW! I said I'd never change!
Yeah, I use three heaping tablespoons to 10 cups of water.
I know it sounds like a lot. Just tap the bottom of the spoon twice on the side of the can before putting it in the filter. Perfect every time.
Try it. I'll wait.
You're taking too long.

ALRIGHT. Now that I'm done being hilarious to myself like Jeff Propst does when he announces the winner of Survivor, here we go. I'm going to hit randomize and then take a screen shot of it riiiiiiight.......
NOW!




AJM! IT'S AJM! AJM HAS WON! SHE'S GOT THE GOLDEN TIIIIIIIIIICKET, SHE'S GOT A GOLDEN CHANCE...TO..... LOOK up the lyrics to Willy Wonka songs... or whatever...

She won thanks to her Amish Orphan Laser Finger Bread!!!!1!

Gross!

Congrats, AJM. I know that this will probably change your life. Don't forget who you are. You're probably about to find out which of your friends really care about you and who just wants a piece of what you got (which is Amish friendship bread starter baggies). So now you just have to send me your mailing address (You didn't think this through did, you!?). You will find my contact information in the new CONTACT ME link. I feel like a pretty important business person now that I have that CONTACT ME page. Like I'm futureshop or something. I'd link you there from this post, but I really want you to have to click CONTACT ME up at the top of my page, just under my header.

I had to embed this dumb homemade version of Golden Ticket instead of the real Grandpa Joe version because apparently the embedding was disabled on the awesome one, ruining this whole blog.

For those of you who didn't win, I think you'll be able to relate to this :
Hitler doesn't get a Golden Ticket.
(except I don't think any of you are horrible, angry, murderous dictators... At least none of you are all of those things.)


Now go see the other entries:

Ryan made bread! There is also a bonus photo that I won't tell you about in there. You'll just have to see for yourself.

Alli's Human Baby Bread. I call it Maury. Maury has a skin condition: Dermalicious-itis


DBS's Pupae Alien Buns. I've never said that sentence before. Weird. I'd resolve to say it more.. but.. *inaudible*.



Baron's middle of the night sandwich messages in mustard. I really think he should make it a weekly feature. It could be the new twitter.



Cookie Monster's cookie monsters, featuring heavily: Hanky the Christmas Poo.

Vapid's really excellent photoshop. My readers are all about Hanky the Christmas Poo... And obviously relate bread to poo cartoons. I keep a high caliber of internet company. :)


Elly sings a song by Bread with Herbert, the ukulele I covet... And posts a picture of this guy.

Jen O is not a serial killer. She's a Mom and a writer and a nice person.


Thanks, guys! I was surprised by how many people actually MADE bread! You could have just made pancakes, dummies.

Until next time!

Feb 18: *edited to bury.... It's an OCD. thing.   This was posted on Feb 14th.