Mainly I liked to make the Sims look like certain people who I hate. I gave them nasty, lazy personalities (dirty, lazy whores who won't get jobs) and gave them really depressing Sim lives. Then I made them have too many babies and die. Stop looking at me like that again. There is nothing wrong with self expression via the medium of animated graphic art every now and again. WHAT? I'm healthy.
PS, I ran into a large Walmart lady's hind quarters while texting and driving my cart at Walmart. Oops.
Anyhow, this is not about The Sims and wreaking havoc on my CGI enemies. The game I spotted is called Zumba Wii. I know, I know... everyone has heard of Zumba. Everyone. In fact, I'd heard about it years ago but have always been too afraid of injuring someone to take a class. Really. You don't know, Readers... you don't know. Want to know what kinds of things I'm not good at? Watch me try to follow latin dance steps to a beat that I didn't make up and only I can hear it.
Oh sure, I can cut a rug in style at an interpretive seizure party if I've had a couple of refreshments to really loosen me up, and I can actually two-step a little *flashes a shrewd smile*, but only because I had to learn how if I wanted to participate in my small town's social scene. I don't have to like it, but I can repeat slow-slow-quickquick to myself and look at my feet as I tromp around a dance floor to The Lone Ranger with my cousins at a wedding if I must. I've also been known to invent a dance or two as well... take, for example, "Microwaving the Dinner" or "The Runaway Wheelchair" Or even the "Rolling Sherpa". Those caught on like gangbusters. I'm sure you do them all the time and had no idea that I started them *casually checks manicure*.
Please don't unfollow me, Readers. It's just a part of my past. Come on, I was isolated in the remote North of Canada. I even took two-step lessons once with my brother and his girlfriend. (H'oh man... This is sounding even worse. I need to crank up the awesome... 3....2......1...) And guess what else I can do?
Polka! (tack on 54 zillion cool points now). I speak truth.
PS? In Northern Alberta Canada, the polka is danced to AC/DC's Shook Me All Night Long at weddings sometimes. You make your own fun. Pretty much EXACTLY like this:
Their practice paid off in dividends.
But this is about Zumba. Zumba for my Wii. (Can you imagine if I'd have said, "I got Zumba for my Wii and I'm putting it in my Blog tonight" ten years ago? My mother would have slapped me!). Anyhow, Zumba is like aerobic Latin Dancing or some shit. All I know is that it is hard, you guys. Super duper hard. It's all Shakira-y and guess what? Shakira's job is harder than I thought. Yeah, I thought she just had to drink some red bulls and make out with the spin cycle for an hour or so to get those moves. I just thought her fan belt was loose or somthing. Turns out she is in incredibly good shape. That hussy.
You know what else? Zumba wii is way harder than stupid dance dance revolution. Well, it's easier to win, but you sweat buckets. What you're supposed to do, Everyone, is mirror the dancer on the screen and it measures your hip movements and you fill the 'dance meter' as you correctly mimic the rainbow people. I did my very best. I shook my hips around and tried to copy the moves.
I found that the key is to keep your hips going in a sexy, rhythmic Latin way at all times and to pay close attention.
Really close attention. Let your surroundings disappear so that you can concentrate on just the moves.
Work it. Be Zen.
Soon, I'll be the fishbelly white version of Shakira... who still wears the grey jogging pants that she accidentally stole from her Dad four summers ago.
So that's how my exercise regimen is going.