Not my pee, thank you very much. Elly's. Not Elly, the blogger, either (who, if she has not been peed on, will be soon). Elly, my 3 year old.
There are monsters in our toilets now, you know. This is the worst thing that could possibly happen because I know the terror of a toilet phobia. I am finally over mine (unless we are talking about snakes in high-rise apartment toilets here, but that hardly counts because we're not talking about that. Obviously that is different).
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| None of us can be helped. None of us. |
So I was afraid of the toilet and now it has come full circle and my child is afraid of the toilet. Hers is thanks to Ghosbusters 2, which she saw at a friend's house. I'm wracking my brain to figure out a way to help her get over it, but if this child is anything like me (Which she is. Pretty much exactly), this is going to be a loooooong haul for her.
How do you explain reality to a child who believes wholeheartedly that she has an extra, imaginary friend called "Blueberry Daddy"? It's weird, right? I have to explain that Blueberry Daddy doesn't exist to all of her caregivers to ward off concern that her actual father might really let her drive the car and babysit infants, use sharp knives and that she never ever is really allowed to sleep in the dog cages at the pet store and that he has died about 1000 horrible deaths according to Elly. Car accidents, House fires, diseases, choking, falling off the world. It's all happened to poor, unlucky Blueberry Daddy.
In the mean time, I have the worst alarm clock in the world. Will the toilet ever stop ruining my life?
13 comments:
That blueberry daddy sounds like a lot more fun than a real daddy. But seriously, the effin' Ghoulies cover scared me for a long time.
And combine that with watching Return of the Living Dead at my friend's house, whose toilet had a sticker on it that said "nova" for some reason...remember the end of the movie, "Gina" is up in an attic and the trap door opens and the zombie is like "GIIINA" and then the world explodes or something? We made a joke that a zombie would come out of the toilet and be like "NOOOVA" and sometimes I still freak about it.
I think the only solution is to convince her that there are monsters everywhere else that are FAR worse than the ones in the toilet. Tell her graphic stories about the Kitchen monster and the Bed monster and the Sofa monster, so then she'll think that the toilet is the only safe place in the house.
Problem solved.
Maybe they DIDN'T have a Nova sticker on their toilet and it just appears when you go near it...
Kreg- Obviously, you could write a parenting guidebook and make a good deal of money.
I'm still afraid of my toilet. I'm convinced cockroaches are hiding under the seat and waiting to crawl into my holes when I sit down.
I have no advice for you, is what I'm saying here.
Dear God, I just gut-laughed with all my guts- and that's saying something.
You could get a portable camping potty and give her a new bag each time. She'd see that the toilet doesn't drain (so nowhere to hide) and the bag would be taken away so there would be no actual toilet hardware except a seat. Just an idea.
Aww.. but just look at his cute widdle suspenders?
Wondering why said toilet Ghoulie required clothing?
Blueberry Daddy? Aw. My daughter had "Gordon Waterpup." (I'm afraid for you.)
Miss Yvonne- Cockroaches are illegal in Canada. I will not be googling anything to find out how solid this fact is, because I like to just go with it.
See Kate- But did you pee? Don't really answer that. Thx.
Janet- I couuuuuld.... but then I'd have bags of poop to deal with, possibly until she's a teenager.
Alittlesprite- Toilet Ghoulies have high standards of moral goodness.
DBS- Best imaginary friend name ever. Ever.
I think your only choice then is a toilet exorcism.
Once pooped in a ziplock bag during a cross country trip . True story.
I'd like to throw it into reverse here and specify that I was four.
I'm not sure *overcoming* a toilet phobia is all it's cracked up to be. You'll be the last one standing when the triple fanged eel that's been brewing in the cities sewers decides to come up to the surface and bite some unsuspecting dolt in the ass.
Hey Blueberry Daddy...could that be a Blackberry Daddy? Like someone who is only heard/seen from remotely...like on a blackberry? Perhaps a blueberry daddy is similar to that?
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