Friday, December 30, 2011

My chairs look like assholes.

That's another nickle in the old swear barrel for me.

Well they do.  I bought a pair of super awesome 1950s chartreuse dining chairs for five bucks at a roadside flea market last spring.  I love them so much.

Chartreuse floral vinyl and Chrome?   Yes please. 


We're selling the house.

My real estate agent told me to hide them because they might "turn off buyers".  PSH.  Buyers don't know what's hip like I do.  Readers, they don't know.

So I had to put these stupid dresses on them.  My breakfast nook looks like a lesbian wedding now.  I mean, don't get me wrong, Readers, these chairs are 60 years old and certainly capable of making a decision together, but where do we draw the line?  Before we know it, chairs will want to marry the garage or my luscious crane mobile.  What then, Canada?  WHAT.  THEN?  It's chairs and the table, not chairs and the stable.  I'm making a sign straight away.   People need to wake up.
 
And then?  Pretend the computer on the table is a kindly priest. 

Actually, I don't know what I'm still talking about.   My point is that my chairs looked better when they were being themselves but I got totally sidetracked pretending to be a furniture bigot.

Whassat?  Oooh!  Beer!  Gotta jet.

13 comments:

Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd said...

Oh, I like those chairs! I'm also trying to sell my house, and have boxes of novelty ceramics from the 50s and 60s that have to patiently wait until we move to be seen again. And by that point it will all be a wonderful surprise to me as I won't remember most of it.

J said...

When I sold my house, my realtor asked me not to use my bathroom. I said, "Sooo... do you want me to shit behind the shed?"

Chelle said...

Carrie- Ooooh.. like what kinda novelty ceramics?

J- I have already made a "no pooping in the house rule". I'm one step ahead of the game. Next I'm going to slipcover the large appliances.

J said...

Good call on the poop rule. At least you know you'll be in the safe zone should the realtor have potential buyers.

Oooh, which slip cover for the fridge? Heh.

dbs said...

Do you think it would work to slipcover my waist?
P.S. Happy Hogmanay.

Alittlesprite said...

I do not like your lesbian chairs....
not that I'm against that sort of thing...

Dr. Cynicism said...

"My breakfast nook looks like a lesbian wedding now" That's the funniest sentence I've seen in weeks Chelle. Tell the realtors to shove it and have a hipster kitchen-nook-wedding instead!

Logical Libby said...

I like them better the other way. Those lesbian chairs now look like they lost a lot of weight before putting on their dresses.

Dee said...

LoL... I like your blog. I'll have to visit again.

Vic said...

Your chairs ARE hip. So mid-century chic; you need to give those chair-dresses the arse & your obviously out-of-touch real estate agent too, while you're at it.

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

Your realtor is a moron. If that house was located in Silverlake or Portland, those chairs would have MADE the sale.

Also, I would be embarrassed to have those chair covers in my house. I said it.

Emily said...

I agree with "You're Lucky." Your realtor doesn't know what the hell she's talking about. Those chairs could sell a house.

dufmanno said...

I get what you are going for here with the Paranormal Activity 3 white sheet ghost motif. Rather charming if you ask me.
When my neighbor with the theme house tried to sell, the realtor told her to get rid of all her bird and mushroom shit if she ever wanted to sell. It didn't help that the old pool was filled with furniture and rusty oil tanks either.

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